Now or Later?

I decided to post this on my Facebook page to make it easier to comment on.  Thanks for all of your comments so far.  Let's continue our exploration in waiting.

Waiting is the delay of self-gratification.

Why would anyone ever want to delay doing or getting what they want? Good question. In my last post we considered 2 year olds and how insistent they can be. In their minds the word "wait" gives them the right to fall on the floor and throw a tantrum. And they don't care where they are when they throw that tantrum either. When the impluse to have something hits them and they are told "wait," the displeasure of not getting their way sends earthquake like waves through their little bodies, they shake, their arms flail in the air, legs turn to spaghetti and with a high-pitched yowl they crash to the floor in a seizure. LOL! You can be in the mall, at a friend's house, in the park, at church, it doesn't matter to them. The only thing that matters at that moment is provoking you into action - forcing you to fulfill their request.

So what if they just ate their 3rd pack of Smarties, they want more...NOW!

Fast-forward 10 years later, that 2 year old is now 12 and has rarely been corrected on this behavior. He was too hard to handle when he was a child so over the years he's continued to throw tantrums and get what he wants. As an older child his tantrums include breaking his ipod to get the newest one, setting the garbage can on fire because he has to do his chores first before he can play the Wii. Sending him to his room doesn't help much because he only finds more things to break while he sits there sulking.

Ten more years later, he's an adult, attempting to manage responsibilities and relationships. His friends think he's the life of the party because he's impulsive, he'll do or say things they would only dream of doing and saying. Remember, he never quite caught on to that whole "delaying of self-gratification" thing. So already he's got credit card debt, his relationship with his parents is estranged because he's always calling home to be bailed out of something. Girlfriends come and go. The main complaint? "He's too unpredictable and puts too much pressure on me when I say 'no' or 'wait.'" And you can only imagine what he's like as an employee.

So what would happen if we got what we wanted, when we wanted it everytime? What would it be like living in a society that encouraged us to act on impulse, responding to every fleeting thought and fantasy that crossed out minds? What would your life be like now if no one ever taught you to wait as a child?

I used an extreme example to make a point. You may not know anyone with all of those issues but you do  know people who won't take "no" for an answer. We all know pushy people who don't respect our wishes or our boundaries. You probably know some impulsive people who rarely "look" before they "leap," then call you for help afterwards. As exciting as a life like that may seem on the frontside, the backside is ugly, full of instability, clutter and anxiety. When we learn to wait, to deny ourselves, we are building a life versus living for the moment. When we learn to wait, we learn to consider and respect others and not be self-centered. When we wait we learn self-control instead of  wrecklessness that hurts you and innocent by-standers.

Waiting is that glue or mortar that allows you to build securely upon your last accomplishment so that you'll have something you can proudly look back on and even pass along to the next generation.

So consider that 2 year old. When you think about it, learning to wait now is less painful than learning later. And if you were one who didn't learn to wait until later, consider mentoring a young person, they can definitely learn from your mistakes.

Until next time ;)

What Difference Does It Make?

Have you ever seen someone trying or have you, yourself, tried to tell a 2 year old to wait? You are asking for a serious fight! The word "wait" is not in their vocabulary yet and at that age "wait" translates to 'scream louder and they'll give it to you now.' But an adult knows acquiring the skill to wait will come in very handy in a few years for the toddler. As a matter of fact it could save their life later on.

My siblings and I lived on a busy street growing up. We were not allowed to play in the driveway, especially if my youngest sister was going to be with us. The day finally came when we ignored our parents' warning; the big kids were racing down the driveway to the street. Of course we knew to stop at the sidewalk and not go into the street but my little sister hadn't quite grasped the concept yet. She was just excited about running with us. Well you can guess what happened. She didn't stop at the sidewalk, she ran right out into the street! No matter how we yelled "WAAAIT," it didn't register. By the time we got to the end of the driveway, she was on the other side of the road staring back at us. All I could think of was how much trouble I was in and how much danger she was in. Would she try to run back? Cars were rushing back and forth, she had no idea how to get back across the street to us. All of her excited laughter from a moment ago had ceased and she just stood there, blank-faced. And even though it didn't work the first time, we kept yelling it "wait...wait!" A break in the stream of traffic came and my big brother hurried across the street, picked her up and hustled back across to our side. She was fine, my parents never found out and most of all my little sister completely understood the word "wait" from that moment on.

So why wait? What difference does it make? Do good things really come to those who wait? Are there any real benefits? In my experience waiting didn't always seem to be in my favor. As a young person I often felt this whole waiting thing was working against me, hindering my enjoyment of life. It seemed back then that waiting only caused me to miss out on all the fun and excitement. But as they say hindsight is always 20/20 and it's easy for me now to see why and how situations could have turned out much better had I only exhibited a little self-restraint and waited. I'd definitely be much more financially stable just to name one area that comes quickly to mind. In the past, I've been like that 2 year old when it came to money.  Just didn't take the time to count up all the costs before frivolously spending money that could have been saved for much more important things later. What area comes to mind for you? Is it really that hard to wait?

Why wait to eat that piece of cake until after dinner? Why wait for the light to turn from red to green before you step on the gas? Why wait and go to the frat party next week? Why wait to move out on your own? Why wait until you calm down before you tell them how you feel? Why wait to have sex? Why wait to spend that $50? Why wait to dye your hair orange? Why wait until you're older? Is it true that old saying "anything good is worth waiting for?"

All of us find ourselves waiting for one reason or another. I just wanted to get the ball rolling tonight. Hopefully this blog will provoke some discussions that you can learn from, grow from and who knows, we may get to the bottom of that age-old question "why wait?" Would love you to share your comments. You can post them here and on my Facebook page.  Maybe we can even do a WhyWh8 chat night on Facebook eventually. Be encouraged until next time.